my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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