Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
