eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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