I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
