Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
