A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish you could order shots online.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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