That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
