if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
