I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
