I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
