Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
