Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
