Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
