I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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