Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
