awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
