She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
