So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
