I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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