Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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