how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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