So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
