ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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