No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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