I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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