Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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