if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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