so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
