Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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