I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
