Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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