I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
