Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
