A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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