Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
