I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
