Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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