WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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