New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
