Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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