yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
