Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
