Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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