I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
