My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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