apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
