I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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