i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
