Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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