Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
