CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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