Just cropdusted the office
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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