my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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