Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
