Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
