Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
