I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
