hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
