I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
