Taylor Swift is so right about you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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