My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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