People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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