Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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