obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
