That's when you crack a 10am beer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
me + whiskey = a bad person
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
