I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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